How I Get Food in My Belly When Eating Is the Last Thing I Want to Do

Once a passionate food lover, losing my appetite to depression has been extremely challenging. With the support of my therapist, I’ve discovered strategies to rebuild a healthier relationship with food, helping me regain my sense of health and well-being.

I love food, and I love eating food. With all things considered, I have a healthy relationship with food and how eating impacts my body. I love nourishing myself with healthy options and allowing myself to indulge in some treats when I want them.

Ever since I was a kid, I loved trying new foods to find ones that I love. So, when I grew up and faced depression, losing my appetite was one of the hardest things for me to cope with.

I struggled to eat even my favorite dishes during my senior year of college. My mental health was nearing an all-time low, and one of my biggest physical symptoms was a lack of appetite. I lost weight and felt like a stranger in my own body because the idea of choking down a meal felt as taxing as running a marathon.

Three times a day. Every day. For months on end. I dropped to an unhealthily low weight and stayed there for about 2 years until I went to an inpatient psychiatric hospital. By that point, I desperately wanted to feel healthy again and experience the joy I once had with food.

I had to face a terrible cycle. It started with anxiety and depression, which stole my appetite and left me desperately wanting to eat but feeling overwhelmed and nauseous when I tried. Then, I would be hard on myself for not being able to do something as “simple” as eating, which only led to more stress and more depressed thoughts.

After my hospitalization, I worked with my therapist to help me gain back my appetite and, in turn, improve my mental health. Here are some personal tips that’ve worked for me.

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1. I stopped drinking caffeine

I’ve been drinking at least one cup of coffee a day since I was in middle school. Caffeine feels comfortable and familiar to me. It pushes away my yawns and keeps me alert. But there’s no replacing the energy provided by food with coffee. 

During college, I drank more coffee than ever before. I smuggled a coffee machine into my dorm room and frequented the Starbucks on campus. At the same time, I struggled to feel hungry. I knew in the back of my mind that caffeine could function as an appetite suppressant, but I didn’t want to give up my habit.

I drank coffee instead of eating breakfast because it was easier to drink than to eat. But that only made me feel jittery and even more anxious.

In the psychiatric hospital, they didn’t have coffee. They had some caffeinated tea options, but the nurses encouraged me to avoid caffeine and focus on getting food into my belly. Instead of slurping down some coffee, I sat in a corner and slowly ate a small cup of yogurt.

I remember feeling proud of myself when, one day, I woke up looking forward to my simple breakfast.

2. I started drinking meal replacement shakes

I know meal replacement shakes aren’t the tastiest things in the world, but these shakes were essential for me when drinking liquids felt much easier than chewing and swallowing food. I discovered that chocolate Ensure, while it definitely leaves a chalky residue on my tongue, actually tastes pretty good. And over time, the strange texture became normal to me. 

In the hospital, I drank two Ensures every day. Once I got home, I kept drinking them for breakfast because that’s the meal I struggle with the most.

These shakes are designed to provide energy and nutrients to people who aren’t getting them from other sources. I was excited to stop drinking Ensures when I finally started to regain my appetite, but I appreciated what they did for me when I couldn’t get myself to eat. They helped me gain weight and feel more physically healthy. And they gave me the freedom to make mealtimes easier and less stressful.

3. I let myself eat whatever seems appealing

There are so many arbitrary rules about food in our society. Eggs and bacon are for breakfast, sandwiches are for lunch, and dessert always comes after dinner. While these rules work for many people, I found following them immensely challenging when I lost my appetite.

Realizing that I could eat whatever felt the best to me in the moment changed everything for me. If the thought of eating eggs or oatmeal for breakfast made me gag, I used to push through because I thought I had to eat breakfast foods. That always ended in a full plate going in the trash and heavy disappointment.

But when I started thinking about what I wanted to eat without following the rules — dinner leftovers first thing in the morning or even a bowl of ice cream — I could actually eat more food.

Plus, it felt freeing, rebellious, and fun. Eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted helped me find the joy in eating again. It also helped me actually get food into my belly, which is more important than following the rules about how and when certain foods should be consumed.

4. I take my time during meals

Things move fast in our world — especially at mealtimes. In middle school, my peers and I were only allotted 22 minutes to stand in line at the cafeteria, pay for our food, and snarf it all before the bell rang. Many employees only get a 30-minute lunch break — if they get a break at all.

But for me, I’ve always liked to take my time with meals. As a kid, I sometimes took 2 hours to savor my dinner before I started school.

When I began to work on regaining my appetite as an adult, I returned to this practice. I didn’t try to match my eating pace with the other people around me. After I got my tray from the hospital dining room, I sat at a table for hours, taking small bites to fill my belly. Doing this allowed me to eat more food and feel more comfortable eating.

5. I always give myself grace

Feeling like a failure was one of the hardest aspects of losing my appetite. I’ve always prided myself on my relationship with food and my willingness to try new things. So, feeling like I lost control of myself and my ability to eat made me feel like I lost an important part of my identity.

For months, I degraded myself in my head for failing to do something as simple as eating. But as I talked to my therapist and learned more about the relationship between eating and mental health, I realized my character had nothing to do with what I was going through.

My inability to eat like I used to wasn’t because of any moral failing on my part. It was a symptom of my mental health condition. Accepting this helped me separate myself from the equation and took away a lot of self-inflicted pressure. Instead of forcing myself to eat a plate of food that made me feel sick, I treated myself with kindness.

I tried to make my thoughts encouraging rather than penalizing.

So, I began letting myself eat whatever sounded most appetizing. I rewarded myself when I finished a meal. With time, I found that I could eat a meal without thinking about every bite. I could enjoy dinner at a restaurant with friends again. I could rejoice in my love of eating and trying new foods.

Bottom line

For a few years, depression stole my appetite. My love of food and eating turned into stress and tears around mealtimes.

Once I realized a loss in appetite is a painful symptom of depression, I discovered some tools and techniques to get more food into my belly and eventually feel comfortable with food again.