How to Help Your Friends and Family Understand Your Depression

Opening up to my loved ones about my mental health was an important step in my journey. Here are some tools that might help you navigate this difficult but important conversation.

As someone who’s lived with depression for most of my life, I’ve tried struggling alone without reaching out for support from my friends and family. But frankly, that sucked. It was isolating and only made my depression worse because I felt so alone.

Reaching out to family and friends can be daunting because you never know how they’ll react or if they’ll understand. But it’s worth it.

While most of my friends and family don’t share the lived experience of battling depression, I’ve found ways to help them understand my condition.

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The importance of opening up

It’s no easy task to share your mental health struggles with your loved ones. I’ve experienced many fears about opening up over the years.

I’ve been scared I’ll add more worries to my family’s life. Or they wouldn’t understand and might reject me, and I’d feel even more alone.

But once I started sharing more of my troubles with my close friends and family, I realized my fears weren’t so black and white.

I always want my friends to open up to me about their struggles. It never feels like a burden. It may make me worry, but I feel much better knowing they trust me with their struggles, and I’d hate for them to suffer in silence. I’m sure they feel the same way about me. So I can toss that first fear out the window.

The second fear is a bit more tricky. What if I open up and the people I love reject me? In my experience, my close friends and family members have always been kind, accepting, and open to listening about my experience. It’s never torn us apart and even brought us closer together.

There’s always a risk you take when you’re vulnerable, but I think the potential benefits outweigh the costs.

The benefits of support systems

Maintaining a circle of close friends and family who listen to your struggles and provide a helping hand has many psychological benefits. Even a small support system can help you lower stress levels and provide a sense of social belonging.

On the other hand, research shows that a lack of social support can lead to increased loneliness and that loneliness can increase your risk of depression and suicidality.

So, how can you help your friends and family understand your depression? For me, sharing educational resources, teaching them about mental health stigmas, and being emotionally vulnerable helped my loved ones understand my experience.

Utilizing books and articles as resources

When I first told my parents I struggled with depression as a teenager, they had some familiarity with the subject. My family has a history of mental health issues, so my parents understood the basics of what depression is and encouraged me to start therapy.

But what they didn’t quite understand was the day-to-day experience of what it looks like to live with depression. I didn’t feel ready to open up about my own specific situation, so I found articles online written by others with depression so my parents could get a glimpse of what it’s like to live with depression.

I wish Bezzy existed back then because the wealth of personal experience on this site is such a fantastic resource, not only for people with depression but also for their family and friends.

Books are another excellent resource for family members to learn about your mental health struggles and how to support you.

“When Someone You Love is Depressed: How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself” by Laura Epstein Rosen and Xavier Francisco Amador teaches loved ones valuable skills like how to help when their depressed friend doesn’t want to accept any. It also teaches signs to look out for when a person’s depression is worsening and helps them balance support and self-preservation.

Another great option is the brief “How to Support a Loved One With Depression” by Mathew Baker. It’s a quick read stuffed with knowledge about spotting signs of depression, understanding the potential causes of depression, and the dos and don’ts of supporting a loved one with a mental illness.

Educating on the stigmas of mental health

One of the main reasons people reject their loved one’s mental health issues is the harmful stigma and misinformation around mental illness.

If your loved ones understand the historical context of prejudice and discrimination against people with depression, they might be more likely to support you with open arms.

Some people grew up with a harsh and harmful perspective on depression, but their beliefs can change if they’re willing to learn. 

For a quick look into mental health stigma, you can encourage your loved ones to read articles online. The American Psychiatric Association has a fantastic article about mental health stigma in general. It breaks down each type of stigma, how it harms people who experience mental health issues, and what we can do to change it.

There are also tons of books that explore the stigma around mental illness. For example, “Transforming Stigma: How to Become a Mental Wellness Superhero” by Mike Veny pays special attention to personal experience facing stigma with depression, which can help open your loved ones’ eyes to the reality of living with both mental illness and the societal stigma that comes with it.

Finding strength in vulnerability

While being vulnerable about your own experiences can be terrifying, it can be a game changer for the way you experience your depression. For years, I suffered in silence and kept my feelings to myself because I felt like a burden and felt ashamed of my mental state.

But once I gained the confidence to open up, I discovered I was never in it alone. My loved ones were always there to support me.

Before opening up about potentially distressing information, make sure your friends or family feel ready for a tough conversation. Once they give you the go-ahead, you can share your experience. Doing so might even bring you closer together and help you feel more validated and less alone.

The takeaway

Dealing with depression is hard enough, but doing it alone brings the challenge up a notch. If you’re nervous about opening up about your depression, I understand. I’ve been there.

But by encouraging my friends and family to research my mental health conditions, read up on the stigma surrounding depression, and finally being vulnerable about my own experience, I’ve found coping with depression much more manageable.