Blues Qs is an advice column covering all things clinical depression, written by Bezzy Depression community guide Sam Dylan Finch. Diagnosed with clinical depression over a decade ago, Sam has seen it all — from medication mishaps to grippy sock “staycations.” He’s here to help you navigate your own depression journey with a little humor and a lot of heart.
Hi, friend. It sounds like you’re in a really difficult place — and I relate because I’ve been there, too. Years ago, I was in one of the darkest places I’d ever been: deeply depressed, trapped in an eating disorder, and ready to end my life. It seemed like there was no way out, and I was desperate for relief.
I really didn’t see a future for myself. But my inability to see the future didn’t mean there wasn’t one waiting for me.
I now have a fulfilling career, a beautiful partner, and a life I’m happy to be living. And? I’m grateful every day for the “Past Me” that hung on tight when things were hard. I can’t imagine not being here, living this amazing life that I’ve built for myself.
I share this because, too often, when we’re in a state of total despair, we believe that the future is empty. That there’s nothing waiting for us around the corner. That there’s no reason to continue on. But in my experience, so many survivors — just like you and I — get to the other side and find that life has so much more in store for them than they initially thought.
The truth is, none of us know the future except that change is inevitable, given time. There could be a life that you make for yourself later on that makes every painful moment worth it. There could be a “Future You” on the other side of this, thankful every single day for the courage you showed in staying.
I don’t know much, except that every moment I swore that my life was over, I was wrong. Given time, things changed for me, and life proved me wrong — again, and again, and again.
It may very well feel like your life is over. That time is up. But what if that isn’t true? There’s only one way to find out, and it requires that you dig deep and stick around.
OK, friend. Let’s talk about the hotline. Consider this: What do you have to lose at this point? If you’re truly at the end of your rope, what’s one phone call or text? You deserve to have support right now. You deserve a listening ear and an open heart. A crisis line can provide this and more.
The fear, of course, is understandable. Opening up to a stranger can feel uncomfortable and difficult. But human connection can be a powerful balm, and you may find that getting some things off your chest is exactly what you need at this moment.
A lot of people also express fear because they don’t want emergency services to be called on them, especially because police encounters can be a source of trauma for some. While I can’t make any guarantees about how your call will go, the standard is that unless you express that you’re an immediate danger to yourself (“I plan to hurt myself right now”), no such call is made.
You can also check dontcallthepolice.com for mental health resources by city if you still have some hesitation!
I want to acknowledge that not every volunteer who picks up the phone at a crisis line is a great match or has the level of experience that they need to be effective at their job. If you have a negative experience, please know that this isn’t your fault, and you can always call another hotline to speak with someone who’s a better fit for what you need.
Remember that you can end a call at any time. Some lines to practice might include:
Calling a hotline can be a powerful experience of connection and support. Volunteers can also help connect you to resources in your area to ensure you have all the help you need to move through this.
If you’ve hit a low point, why not try? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I promise, your future is worth fighting for.
Medically reviewed on November 21, 2022
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